Saturday, May 17, 2014

Insight into a Mom's Mind

I haven't blogged in awhile - and "why" is for another blog...
I have a hilarious story to share today that I want to remember forever!

Here's the deal - I'm gonna be bold and say, that if you are a mom, you've probably felt the same way as I am about to describe. I'm not saying I think it's right or wrong...just normal, I guess. Hilariously normal.

Last Thursday we had to take Ben to work, the van needed a checkup, and so we all got up extra early to get the van dropped off and Ben to work by 6:45am. I also was helping at a fundraiser for our MOPS group and so after an extra long morning, I came home, hurried to get Titus lunch and really wanted to get him down for a nap. And then my cell phone started to ring. It was the kid' school so of course I answered it; in the back of my mind feeling a bit of curiosity. The school nurse was on the other end of the line. She quickly began to explain that Nathan wasn't feeling well. That his teacher had sent him to her because he had been to the bathroom several times. The nurse told me that after further inquiry he said he had been to the bathroom 13 times that morning. She was very nice but slightly 'irritated', perhaps because sending a kid to school with diarrhea is not really awesome. She said that I should come to the school and get him.

Right now, since we moved but the kids are still going to their old school, it's a bit of a trek to the old school. 15 miles or so. So, I packed up Titus with his "lovey-caterpillar" and ""bina" (yes, he stills uses a binky and yes that is for another blog, or not)...anyway, we got in the car and started the drive.

I immediately began thinking...ok Nathan seemed fine this morning so did I miss something? I mean maybe I missed a fever, we were in the car very early and maybe he just didn't have time to explain he wasn't feeling well. Maybe it was the McDonald's that we ate in the rush to get everyone something to eat before getting Ben to school. McDonald's is so unhealthy. Why didn't I think of packing breakfast and bringing something healthy from home? Weird... no one else is sick and we all ate the same breakfast. Or maybe everyone is going to get sick and Nate is starting the chain. Could Sausage Egg McMuffins not be fully cooked? Why did I make him finish that last bite? He probably knew it wasn't cooked right. Why didn't I notice that he wasn't feeling well? It probably wasn't the McDonald's, it is probably that we aren't eating very well at home. We should eat more whole foods. I mean when was the last time we ate vegetables? Oh man, last night we had pizza, maybe it was the pizza that made his stomach upset. What if he is gluten intolerant? He had a sandwich after school yesterday, maybe he can't tolerate wheat. How come I didn't notice this before? Why didn't I think of getting the kids salads last night? Oh no, he also drank pop last night, I wonder if he really just can't handle the caffeine in Barq's Root Beer. Can caffeine mess up your digestive system? YES! AND I let him drink a sip of my coffee this morning. It tasted so gross to me (note to self: just get OJ with McD's bfast) and he wanted to see what it tasted like. I shouldn't have let him take that drink. Maybe it was bad, or maybe even a little sip could have upset his stomach. How could I have missed this? Could he tell I was stressed this morning and he didn't want to stress me more by telling me he was sick? He was in the front seat though and we were talking and laughing, did I miss feeling the fever when I kissed his forehead as he got out of the van to get on the bus? What are we going to do? When can I go to the store to get more fruits and vegetables?

I arrived at the school. Titus was asleep in the car so I left him there and ran in. I told the secretary that I was there to pick up Nathan. She went back to the nurse who told her that she had sent him back to Mrs. D's class, could she page him to come out? So the secretary called him out of Mrs. M's class because that's what class I had said. Uh oh....fuzzy details for the nurse and secretary started to become clearer and clearer... the nurse came out with her jaw on. the. floor. I walked over to the window. The nurse said, "I can't believe this...I called the wrong mom." I started to laugh right as Nathan (and Caleb, so sweet) walks up and pats my arm, "Hi mom, why are you here?" I joked with the nurse that she owed me some gas money ;) and then sighed with relief and went back out to my car.

I just sat there for a minute wondering if what just happened was real. I just worked myself up into a fit about how unhealthy we are and what a bad mom I was for missing all the signs of sickness. And then it was all....just false. Just silly worrying. I wasted an entire car ride worrying. 20 minutes of working myself up about something that turned out to be 100% untrue. Nathan was fine, McDonald's breakfast was fine. Pizza last night for dad's football fundraiser - fine. Pop and coffee - fine. Nathan was f-i-n-e. Why did I waste my time with worry. Even if he HAD been sick, would my worry have helped? No. Absolutely no. Would whole foods and more vegetables and a packed breakfast had helped if he HAD been sick - maybe, a little, but really, nominal.

It surely was a wake up call for me. Worrying does not help a situation. It is simply A WASTE of MY TIME and my BRAIN SPACE. I beat myself up over the smallest details and I don't think anyone else on the planet would actually talk to me the way I talk to myself. Sad. Hysterical and sad. And I think we all do it. So normal. For me, it's gonna stop. It has to stop. I don't want my kids to do this to themselves and so I want to be an example of NOT doing it. Not worrying. Not working myself up over small, uncontrollable things. Rather, making my mind think about truth. Excellence. Pure thoughts. Thoughts that when they spill out they bring joy to me and to others around me.

It's probably impossible to do that all the time. But I'm up for a challenge like that. Something that is impossible to do on my own.

Wake up Crystal. And go get some McDonald's.

Until next time ~

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